My daughter says I am random... I would hope the above statement proves this theory. If not, strap in and get ready for the ride.
I like to write. I like to write a lot, obviously, as this is my third blog I am posting here. A few years ago I started blogging on MySpace, but since I rarely log in to it anymore, I figured I may as well use this avenue for my blogaliciousness. Now I know what you are thinking... oh no another blogger out there spouting off his philosphies and his kvetching about the world in the hopes of gaining his 15 minutes of fame. Well honey, I already had my 15 minutes years ago... I am doing this as much for myself really... Call it a catharsis, or perhaps creative writing... and you always have the option of NOT reading it. If I have something poignant and current to say, I will of course say it, but otherwise.... mutant ramblings of a mad scorpion is what this is. Here... have this red pill... Just hold on to it for now. You might need it.
I had that dream too... to be a big name rock star. At some points in my life I THINK I came pretty close to accomplishing it, but somehow, the hands of fate kept it out of reach. Hell, even changing my name to Drewcifer was not the gimmick I needed. (Nor were the other names I have gone by, Belenos, or Bel Geode). I have met some awesome people in my time, and played some amazing music, but let's face it... It would have been nice to be able to afford a house in Malibu, and be able to invite India over for some BBQ chicken, perhaps with a little spicy teriyaki sauce, as I am prone to create in my culinary mad scientist moods. Ooh, and I know this lady in Florida who gets the perfect flavored sake too! (Hmm... funny, even now India's still inspiring me... go figure. I guess I should send her an email and thank her.)
I think I can speak for geeks everywhere when I say, I have no idea where this is going. Not this blog mind you, but life itself. The dreams of my past have given way to memories that were, but never were... If you catch my drift. How many of us have those kinds of dreams? Think about your life and what you wanted or created only in your mind years ago. At times I sit and wonder if it was a good idea for Mom to give me that money I just HAD TO HAVE for that computer class, back when computers involved BASIC, green monochrome monitors, and had multicolored fruit on the chassis. Then I get to thinking... well, what if?
What if the whole point of my life's experience is preparing me for something great in my 40s (which officially began this past November 18)? What if the music I have made, and either never got published, or never even completed are to come around full circle? What if the books I have written, whether about Transformers, Playmates, or other odd combinations of sci fi and art, are about to be realized, if I only stick to the dreams of old? Perhaps I should be more like my singer friend Jen. Born the day after me, literally, she and I always seem to be living parallel lives, though our attitudes towards life's ups and downs vary drastically. She too has had that dream, and still does... and is still pursuing it actively, where I have for the most part resigned myself to the life of the hermit. Yes folks... the bass guitar sits upstairs, wondering if I will ever make love to her again. (By the way, for the record my bass guitar is named Artemis.... now that was not what you expected me to have named it... is it?)
Or perhaps, my future IS virtual? If TRON can make a comeback, maybe it is a sign that my delving headlong into this world of pixels and bits is my way of accomplishing something. Take a look at the other two blogs I have had going... one about my virtual business in the game Second Life, the other a series of virtual stories about running an airline in Microsoft Flight Simulator. I have to admit, they have gotten me some bit of notoriety in their respective communities. Granted, I won't be getting inducted into the "virtual hall of fame", if there is such a thing, but perhaps if I keep doing what I am doing, something might just pay off.
On the other hand, I am too damn introspective for my own good. I'm a gamer geek! I am part of a generation called X for good reason. It is not like I am going to revolutionize SOMETHING in the virtual realm, make it big, then suddenly be recognized for my music, art, or storytelling ability, get enough money to learn how to fly, and become such a household word that there will be a knock at my front door, and some 5'11" Playmate will be begging ME to come to Cali and be HER muse?!?! I do not have the "Tay Zonday" dumb luck streak going on here... I still hate that song by the way.
I like to say... I am just a dude. Yes I have done a lot in my life, but in the end, I am still just a dude. I am still a victim of this recession, trying to stay afloat. I am still an average cabbage who disdains the spotlight of fame. We saw what it did for Assange over the past few weeks. (Oooh, I probably should not put his name in my blog, otherwise I am sure the feds will be the ones knocking on my door, not India...) In any event, I am just a dude...
A dude with dreams... most of which adolescent or childish... perhaps 1% of which might actually have a chance of coming true, but in this world, hey you never know.
I remember being "world reknowned musician" Daemon Drewcifer Razorclaw, and his Playmate wife Indy... I remember thinking "Hey, it could happen!". I remember thinking I could BE Tom Cruise in Top Gun too... At some point in time, those dreams gave way to the harsh bite of reality, and try as I would like, I still keep falling down this rabbit hole. Thank Gawd I ate the red pill.
OMG! I think I just had an epiphany! There really IS a matrix, and we are all living in it! Life itself is certainly surreal these days... so it MUST be true!
In that case, will the creator of this matrix please zap me to wherever SHE is. I would like to have some chicken with her. While you are at it... Remember that song I made last year, "In A Funk"? The one I poured my heart into after over a year of musical doldrums? Can we get that to number one on billboard's charts please? It's not doing so well on MySpace.
What the hell.... Did you just see that cat?
There it goes again!